Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Lion rampant with pizzle pendent depizzled
The Nordic Battlegroup is a rapid-reaction force of the European Union (EU) consisting mostly of Swedes. And since, contrary to rumor, feudalism is not dead, the NB needs a coat of arms.
This is what artist Vladimir A. Sagerlund produced—
Some ladies of the battlegroup were so offended by the pizzle twixt the lion's legs that they took the matter to the European Court of Justice. So the army acted in the interests of "gender equality" and removed the offending genital. This act of butchery confirmed everything Fox News, Rush Limbaugh and a host of right-wing bloggers ever thought about castrating women, not to mention Europeans.
Limbaugh, especially, bemoaned the loss of the penis—
... another illustration of the chickification of culture."
"Is that how you get gender equality? You emasculate a lion? Why not just put boobs on the female lions? What do you have to go and take away the penis for?"
—A plaint heard all too often.
The artist was incensed—
"The army lacks knowledge about heraldry. Once upon a time coats of arms containing lions without genitalia were given to those who betrayed the Crown."
But the army proceeded with the depizzling—
"We were given the task of making sure the willy disappeared," Christian Braunstein from the army's 'tradition commission' told Göteborgs-Posten.
"We were forced to cut the lion's willy off with the aid of a computer," he added.
The lion now appears as shown below—
If the point was to androgynize the animal, the effort failed. It was silly to dewilly but leave the mane intact. Surely that's the prominent feature. Of the pizzle I can only remark that if the ladies hadn't brought it up I would never have spied it, since I avert my eyes from the hinder parts of animals, as we all should.1
The town of Piekary Slaskie: A Polish joke (1/31/07)
1A true story: A good friend of mine, raised to be a Southern lady, had come up thinking that bulls were black and all the other cows heifers. One day out driving with some college friends past a pasture she spotted a black cow and pointed out the "bull." Only when her friends had time to recover did she learn the shocking truth. [back]