Via AMERICABlog, one of the ClearChannel radio stations is hosting a "Heterosexual Pride" parade tomorrow in Chapel Hill, NC.

Since it has long been assumed that virtually everyone living in the Chapel Hill-Raleigh-Durham area is homosexual, I for one am glad to see some of them trying to shed their feathers and act straight. Straight people have been in the closet for so long there that some people wonder if they really exist.

Unfortunately, I don't live close enough to attend. But I would give anything to see what straight people really look like. Is it true they put grease in their hair?

If anyone should happen to be there with a camera, I'd be happy to post some pictures. Try to be discreet. Take pictures of them from behind, as the Washington Post always used to do at the Gay Pride parades. But see if you can catch some of them holding hands, or other body parts.

Of course, I would never reveal the identity of any person captured on camera. Many of them are likely to be in long-term gay relationships, and I would hate to think I was a home-wrecker.

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P.S.—They'll be trysting near the Jiffy Lube in the parking lot of Passport Motors. This could be a trap. Look out for the Vice!