Word has it that the Vatican is on the verge of announcing a new "religious instruction" that would prevent gay men from becoming priests.

Since there is actually no theological excuse for this—after all, they're all celibate anyway, aren't they?—the Church has come up with this—

The instruction tries to dampen down the controversy by eschewing a moral line, arguing instead that the presence of homosexuals in seminaries is 'unfair' to both gay and heterosexual priests by subjecting the former to temptation.

'It will be written in a very pastoral mode,' Haldane said. 'It will not be an attack on the gay lifestyle. It will not say "homosexuality is immoral". But it will suggest that admitting gay men into the priesthood places a burden both on those who are homosexual and those they are working alongside who are not.'

Of course not letting gay men enter the priesthood will also place a burden on them. There are only so many positions open in the entertainment field whereas opportunities in the clergy are virtually unlimited.

They say the Pope himself doesn't want to put his Gregorius XVI on the document. 'Twould sully his image.

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Meanwhile the British Army can't get enough of a good thing. Jonathan Leake and Philip Cardy of the Sunday Times report,

The army came out in style this weekend when it launched a recruitment drive aimed at tempting more gays, lesbians, transvestites and even transsexuals into the ranks.

It set up a recruitment stall at the Gay Pride festival in Manchester, backing its new-found commitment to homosexual rights by sending 10 gay and lesbian soldiers in combat trousers and tight T-shirts to join thousands of marchers on a five-mile parade through the city.

They strode out behind a float put together by the RAF, which was also recruiting. Themed on a fighter jet, it featured an oversized cockpit and a banner proudly proclaiming, "RAF rise above the rest".

At the stall, the men in uniform, complete with medals, mingled with eager would-be recruits, one dressed in tight leather shorts and a pink cowboy hat.

It was the first time the army had actively tried to recruit from such groups. It says it simply wants to tap into the talents of the gay population.

An oversized cockpit will bring 'em in every time.

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