Wednesday, December 14, 2005


Hookers for Jesus

You have to give credit to Tucker Carlson, host of MSNBC's "The Situation"—he may not have a nose for news but he certainly has a proboscis for porn.1 Remember when Tucker was still polluting the public airwaves with his show on PBS? Remember his scintillating interview with James Guckert alias Jeff Gannon, still fresh from whoring in the White House press room? By the time of that interview Jeff had already given himself to Jesus, among others.

Now Tucker is promoting another who has taken up the cause—Ms. Heather Veitch, founder of the new Christian ministry: JC, Girls, Girls, Girls.2 MSNBC helpfully explains that Ms. Veitch is a porn-again Christian.

It's a heart-warming story—

CARLSON: So what was the turning point for you? What was the exact moment you went from stripper to missionary?

VEITCH: Actually, I think it was in 1999, you know, the millennium was coming, and I started thinking about making a change in my life, and had had enough. I had been into the stripping for six years, and done soft porn and all these things. And it just started adding up on me. And so I ended up giving my life over to God in September of 1999.

When caught between the Millennium Bug and crow's feet a girl really needs to start thinking about her future. Aside from real estate, career opportunities are few for single women nearing 40 with gaps in their résumés the size of the Grand Canyon. Anyone who wants to get on the fast track pretty much has to turn to the ministry.3

And I like Veitch's approach: She's not trying to reform the girls; she's trying to reform the churches!

CARLSON: Now, what does your church think of your past? Anyone you worship with uncomfortable with what you‘ve done?

VEITCH: Well, you know, when I first walked into a church, I was judged heavily for my life, and how I had lived, and that‘s part of the reason why now I am trying to make a change in our churches, because what happened was it was almost like something I had to keep secret, when in reality, Jesus himself hung out with prostitutes and tax collectors.4


VEITCH: And reached out to them. So I knew that this wasn‘t right. So that is one of the biggest reasons that we have started this ministry, is to open the minds of the church and remind them that these are the exact people that Jesus himself reached out to.


Do you require that porn actresses, for instance, that you are ministering to, leave the industry before joining your group?

VEITCH: No, we don‘t. And in fact, what we ask them is to come, try out a relationship with God, start going to church, at least develop a relationship with him, and then let him be in charge of them.

Right-wingers are not so narrow-minded as some on the Left have supposed. Carlson has no problem with any of this. The only place where he would draw the line is intergenerational dating! Heather tells of a friend who died from alcoholism while dating a man much older—

VEITCH: .... She was dating a man something like 40 — 40 years older than her.

CARLSON: Oh, that's too old.

This really is Tucker Carlson at his best. And I just want to wish Ms. Veitch and her girls all the luck in the world.

Hey! I've just had a flash. My search for my own personal ministerial focus may be at an end. Prostitutes are not the only group for whom the churches need to broaden their mission. What about the men in their lives?

That's it! I'm hereby announcing the founding of Johns for Jesus©. I believe Heather's group and mine will be a natural fit.

Related post
Tucker Carlson - What we're losing (7/1/04)
Tart Fest: Tucker Carlson interviews Guckert/Gannon (3/23/05)
"That woman is no criminal; she's just twisted" (3/30/05)


1As a newsman Tucker Carlson has one exceptional qualification. According to his bio at MSNBC,

Carlson has interviewed and eaten with just about every significant newsmaker in American politics....
How he has managed to keep his weight down I do not know. I would have been fat beyond telling. [back]

2Just printing the ministry's name should bring lots of hits to Simply Appalling. Welcome, Christians! [back]

3Full disclosure: I too am considering taking up the ministry, as blogging has been a bust so far. But first I must decide which of my sins to make the focus. Suggestions welcome. [back]

4Prostitutes? Okay. But tax collectors is going a little too far. [back]

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