Around 75% of homosexuals admit they put their tongue into their partner's anus which means they eat lots of faeces. —booklet by the Polish Piotr Skarga Catholic Association, as quoted by Nicholas Watt in "Prejudice forms a new line between east and west"

Perhaps the Poles have been addled by praying for the intercession of St. Goncalo. In 2003 Bernard Katz reported in the American Rationalist that

... the Catholic Church has assigned certain curative powers to yet another saint, this time assigning the power to cure hemorrhoids to Saint Goncalo. Yes, that's right, piles. People are flocking to a church in Murtosa, Portugal, the Saint' birthplace. For maximum efficacy, people are exposing their behinds to a statute [sic] of the saint. The statute is also considered a cure for pimples. One badly afflicted woman wanted to pray naked in the church, but the local priest stopped it.

Sufferers might want to have those hemorrhoids licked. Saliva has all sorts of soothing powers.