The French site Têtu made the first mention I'd seen of the latest Italian hit "Per diventare gay" or "To become gay." In reality it's more a threat than a promise. The character portrayed in the song is rather whiny to my ear, and I believe it would've been all the same if he had been singing "I think I just may go off and eat worms."

Anyway, the tune was written by Maurizio Minestroni ("Mines") and sung by Fiorello, an Italian radio personality. It's quite catchy, so I decided to write out a translation, which was no mean feat considering that my fluency in Italian consists of saying "Ciao, bello" and "Arrividerci" with aplomb. But my readers deserve to know what's happening on the continent. So with some help on the more idiomatic lines, we've arrived at another first—a Simply Appalling translation from Italian.

[Musicultura has the original lyrics and an audio excerpt here.]

TO BECOME GAY

I looked for a flexible girl and the type
to have a little sex with.

I'm not so rich and and I only meet holy virgin-to-the-max snobbish babes.

You know I'm studying to become gay
in order to stop looking for another one who won't give in.

[Refrain] You know I'm studying to become gay
and to say gladly "Goodbye, my babies, Bye."

I looked for the great love and found only sex
With the liars from the Grand Bar.

I looked for a good screw and found my great love,
which settled me down for a little while.

You know I'm studying to become gay
and to be happy too if you're not here.

[Refrain]

I've been searching for my muse but I see only the muzzles
of little sheep in shock.

I used to watch her curves until her gyrations
would turn me into a spoiled child.

You know I'm studying to become gay
so what happened to my friends won't happen to me.

[Refrain]

You seemed like an introvert -- and instead you were only confused
You seemed like an innocent girl but you were doing the continent!

But every night I go out -- because I've never stopped
looking for a lady who would make a fool of me.

You know I'm studying to become gay
and to say gladly "Goodbye, my babies, Bye"

You know I'm studying to become gay ...

Singer Fiorello hastens to explain that it was all in good fun—

It was a joke, a way of exorcising my amorous torments. That's all past. I've had a girlfriend for six years. But women remain a mystery.

Yeah, sure.

Tags: * song hit Italy Italian Per diventare gay gay homosexual Fiorello Maurizio Minestroni translation English translation English