Where would we be without religion? Well, without calendars for one. Without a good calendar we wouldn't know the best day to, say, sacrifice a virgin. The modern tendency to flout tradition and sacrifice virgins willy-nilly is utterly contemptible in my view.

Clearly we need calendars,

Bare-chested Mormon in a hothouse. It doesn't get any steamier than this!

and thanks to an excommunicated Mormon our menological choices have expanded. While I've long admired the rather chaste Roman Priest Calendar, the Mormon version featured at "Mormons Exposed" is a bit more risqué—

The 2008 Men on a Mission calendar features twelve handsome returned Mormon missionaries from across the United States who, for the first time ever, have dared to pose bare-chested in a steamy national calendar.

Dare we hope that the Randy Rabbis and the Magnificent Mullahs calendars will appear soon? Along with Buddhist Monks Laid Bare?

Yet with so many choices I'm no longer sure which religion to embrace. Who knew the free market could produce existential angst in the checkout line!

Tags: news and politics religion humor